March's Featured Article
Emotional Minefields
Taking care of yourself, and simply surviving parentcare, requires that you deal with some potent emotions. The reactions you are experiencing now, even the ones that seem disturbingly out of character for you, are quite normal and common. Most of them can be tempered once you recognize what you are feeling and why.
Guilt and Helplessness are constant companions of caregivers, I’m not doing enough, I’m not doing it right, I should have done something else.
Instead, consider how reasonable your expectations are? Think of all that you are doing for your loved one.
Anger and Resentment need to be dealt with as soon as you recognize these feelings. Try to reframe your resentment by thinking about what you could do to change the situation you are resentful about, instead of wishing the person or situation would change. Anger on the other hand can lead to rash acts and regrettable words. When you feel angry, try not to take action right away, distance yourself. Once you’re calmer, address the reason for your feelings.
Sorrow and Grief are dealt with in our own way and at our own pace. The sadness can be constant or it may crash over us in waves at odd times. There is nothing weak about this, and holding in feelings can make us tense or withdrawn from the person we are trying to be close to. Take time away from work if you need to, or spend time alone, and share your pain with others. Then while you still have time, let your loved one know you are sad, you love them and you will miss them. Don’t miss the opportunity to tell them how you feel.
Getting a grip on these emotions is essential and you’ll have to do so again and again, for they have a habit of reappearing.
“How to care for Aging Parents,” Morris,Virginia, 1996.
To find a support group in your area, or educational materials to assist you contact Southwest 8.
